Trump: Looking Forward

Nicholas Johnson

It has been an interesting first year for President #45, to say the least. By certain metrics, Donald Trump has certainly lived up to expectations. By number of tweets tweeted per year, he is far and away the most productive President in our nation’s history. 

The same likely remains true if his success is examined through the metric of “Most Times Calling a World Leader Fat,” though, to  be fair, I’m sure Franklin Roosevelt took potshots at Winston Churchill’s body behind closed doors.

Last, and most certainly not least, no other President in history has had the immense courage necessary to take on a superpower like college basketballer Lavar Ball. Talk about punching up. From where does President Trump derive his indomitable spirit? The world may never know.

Fortunately, barring some unspeakable tragedy, or worse, liberal tomfoolery, three years remain for the POTUS with the mostest. With that in mind, let’s discuss what President Trump has yet to accomplish during his tenure as leader of the free world.

Let’s first address the elephant in the room- Republicans. We’ve seen, time and time again, RINO knuckleheads attempting to question the will of our PResident, When Trump referred to certain third world nations as s***holes, for example, some Republicans had the absolute gall to suggest the the Presidents’ statements weren’t the most responsible thing for the most powerful man in the world to say in a a meeting. And, or course, it is exactly that type of political correctness that got Trump elected in the first place (which I’ll discuss later).

President Trump should, within the 2018 legislative season, should propose a new MAGA bill. Here, MAGA would stand for Mandatory A**-Kissing GOP Agreement, Under said proposed legislation, member of the Republican Party would be legally barred from speaking out against PResident Trump. FUrthermore, each individual GOP representative would have to give the President a little kiss on his burgeoning behind daily, Nothing erotic (after all, we are the party of family values), but just enough to remind said representative who’s boss.

Another thing President Trump has yet to accomplish- Building that beautiful wall. This may be attributable to Trump’s one unrealistic policy proposal, which is his insisting that Mexico should pay for the wall. Now, President Trump is absolutely correct that MExico owes the United States a wall, Mexico does, after all, have trade defecit with the United States, so they need to give us a bunch of money, because that is how trade works. Here’s the problem- Mexico doesn’t have any money. Being a sophisticate, it is unlikely that President Trump has seen the inside of a Taco Bell recently, but if he were, he would realize what dire straits Mexico is in financially. How else could they justify those $5 Cravings Deals?

This next paragraph will be hard to write, because it pertains to President Trump’s most important task as POTUS- Destroying political correctness. Admittedly, P.C. culture has proven a gnarly dragon to slay. The war on Christmas claimed enumerable victims again this season. Minorities are insisting we use their name to address them. And, as previously mentioned, people from other countries are up in arms because President Trump called their homes s***holes.

Truly, political correctness is a scourge.

The only way President Trump can beat the lefty-SJW-commie-pinko-triggered-snowflake-millennial-libs is to take them on at their own game. Trump has to become the nicest, most kind-hearted, politically correct person imaginable. The thought is sickening, make no mistake. We’ll certainly lose out on some high quality political discourse if Trump censors himself in any way. But think about it. If the PResident started, all or a sudden, being politically correct, think of how quickly the lefty heads would explode. 

In summary, though President Trump has undoubtedly had the best first year of any American President, there are definitely way in which he can make the country even better in the next three- or, let’s be real, seven years in office. What I’ve laid out here is a start, but who knows what Trump will come up with next on his inexorable march toward Making America Great Again.

God-speed, Mr. President.