What is the French Word for Heroes?

Michael Geiger

April 19, 2019

Filed under Satire

The Notre Dame burned and the world wept. Around 7:00 p.m. on Monday, April 15th the famous church caught fire and burned for over 14 hours. While the full extent of the damage is still being assessed, the cause of the inferno remains a mystery.  Paris’ fire service has stated that the fire may ...

Disney is poised to lead the cord-cutting army

Aditya Saxena

April 18, 2019

Filed under Satire

A seminal event of this decade in the realm of entertainment is about to transpire on Nov. 12 - the launch of Disney’s official streaming service, Disney+. Disney has so far splurged so excessively on its acquisition strategy that it is now left to media outlets to do its marketing. And, thus, I am...

The legacy of the Hussle

Casey McCabe

April 18, 2019

Filed under Satire

  On March 31st the rapper Nipsey Hussle was shot and killed in front of his clothing store in Los Angeles California.   Ermias Asghedom later well known by his stage name, died tragically at the young age of 33.  Asghedom grew up in the Crenshaw neighborhood in Los Angeles, and told ...

The Evil of Intersectionality

Michael Geiger

April 5, 2019

Filed under Satire

One of my chief criticisms of the intersectional Left is their widespread unwillingness to acknowledge that all Americans are fundamentally privileged. Many of these people fail to show the adequate level of gratitude for the fact that they were born into the greatest civilization in history.  For any socie...

Ocasio Cortez Couldn’t Get Stupider: Then She Opens Her Mouth

Tiana Meador

March 25, 2019

Filed under Opinion, Satire

It's called the Green New Deal because I believe Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was high off the green when she wrote it. Let us admit that she is probably a little intoxicated whenever she opens her mouth. Rep. Ocasio-Cortez is a colossal idiot. Let's begin with her most recent bull. "Wells Fargo is financi...

Garden Genocide

March 8, 2019

Filed under Satire

I hate daisies Far prefer roses They drive me crazy My will imposes I uproot them with such velocity Anger, hate and ferocity They do me no harm But I see no charm Roses are superior Daisies… far… inferior Roses Daisies are lesser  The roses sind besser Lilies put pressure On the measure  Of purity ...

AirPods Users Report Chronic Dehydration on U of MN Campus

March 7, 2019

Filed under Satire

New data at the University of Minnesota has shown a startling rise in chronic dehydration among college students. Graduate students at the University of Minnesota’s medical school have conducted further research into those reporting chronic dehydration and claim to have found the reason. The study sho...

PETA Sides With Fruitarians, Kicks Vegans Out

Addison Scufsa

March 6, 2019

Filed under Satire

At the national PETA convention in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, activist and group leaders decided to remove all vegans from the organization. After growing more disgusted with the decisions of vegans to actually kill plants, the fruitarian majority within PETA voted to officially remove anyone who di...

Trump’s Push for Free Speech Hits Close to Home

March 6, 2019

Filed under Satire

On Saturday, March 2nd, President Donald Trump spoke at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center in National Harbor, Maryland. The resort was hosting the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) that weekend, and Trump was the headline speaker. While scheduled to begin his speec...

Students Demand University Remove Misogynist Art

Madison Dibble

December 4, 2017

Filed under Satire

As national trends demand, students at the University of Minnesota are out for blood—or maybe statue dust. Local governments removed monuments to   Robert E. Lee, The Ten Commandments, and many others after fearless millennials took to Twitter to ensure that all history is buried. At the Unive...

Lauren Southern and Antifa Members Talk It Out Over A Drink

Nicholas Johnson

November 6, 2017

Filed under Satire

The dust is still settling after the protests over right-wing commentator Lauren Southern’s recent visit to campus. Hundreds gathered on the University’s West Bank to voice their anger. The event culminated in the utilization of chemical irritants against violent protesters. There was one arrest. Fort...

College Sophomore Solves All The World’s Problems

Nicholas Johnson

November 6, 2017

Filed under Satire

In a stunning turn of events, all major societal ills have come to an end. The harbinger of this new utopian era of global prosperity- Derek Smith, a sophomore at the University of Minnesota. Smith, an undergraduate student of political science, is no stranger to conflict. Just two years ago, when Wils...