TikTok to acquire Onlyfans in preteen thirst market shakeup


Addison Scufsa, A&E Editor

Tiktok announced they are acquiring the app Onlyfans next month in a huge shakeup at the top of trending apps in 2020. Tiktok is in talks of being bought themselves, but it seems they went ahead and acquired Onlyfans first to raise their value in the eyes of pedophile billionaires.

Tiktok has long served as a haven for thirsty boys and girls alike, with many high schoolers under the age of 18 reaching millions of views on twerk videos that puts Netflix’s Cuties to shame. Trends in Tiktok have long skewed towards thirst traps and the promotion of girls of all ages, from 12 and up. One can only imagine the kinds of views they’ll rack up with the addition of Onlyfans promotion techniques. 

When asked about the acquisition, Onlyfans CEO Tim Stokely was thrilled: “We couldn’t have asked for a better partner! We have long been working towards skirting the ridiculous age laws here in the US and who better to help us than Tiktok! Their plethora of younger users and content creators is a dream come true for our company’s mission of fantasy fulfillment.” 

Not everyone has been so on board with the changes. Mothers Invested in Lifetime Fulfillment, or MIILF for short, has been fighting Onlyfans since the start. Director Amy Coney Barrett has been Onlyfans’ most outspoken critic and spoke today to CBS News about the development.

“Onlyfans has been a blight on society since day one of its existence. Teaching young girls and women that they can earn an excellent living this way despite my repeated attempts to suppress any sexual thought in my community is despicable.”

Many fans of both platforms are hoping for the integration of user-specific followings on both sites, Belle Delphine in particular. Petitions have already started to allow users 12 and up monetize their own private Tiktoks, giving a whole new life to teenage boys asking for visa debit cards for Christmas. 

Congress has not made any comments on the deal, but President Trump was very excited about “showing off the best of America to those watching in China” and how his friend Jeffrey “would certainly have missed this easy access.” Now we know why he was so adamant about moving Tiktok to US control.