Satire – Page 2 – The Minnesota Republic

Students Demand University Remove Misogynist Art

Madison Dibble

December 4, 2017

As national trends demand, students at the University of Minnesota are out for blood—or maybe statue dust. Local governments removed monuments to Robert E. Lee, The Ten Commandments, and many others after fearless millennials took to Twitter to ensure that all history is buried. At the Unive...

Lauren Southern and Antifa Members Talk It Out Over A Drink

Nicholas Johnson

November 6, 2017

The dust is still settling after the protests over right-wing commentator Lauren Southern’s recent visit to campus. Hundreds gathered on the University’s West Bank to voice their anger. The event culminated in the utilization of chemical irritants against violent protesters. There was one arrest. Fort...

College Sophomore Solves All The World’s Problems

Nicholas Johnson

November 6, 2017

In a stunning turn of events, all major societal ills have come to an end. The harbinger of this new utopian era of global prosperity- Derek Smith, a sophomore at the University of Minnesota. Smith, an undergraduate student of political science, is no stranger to conflict. Just two years ago, when Wils...

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Nicholas Johnson

October 16, 2017

In a recent address to the United Nations, President Trump presented in stark terms his opinions of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. The President started his address by running through a slideshow, which was comprised entirely of photoshopped images of the North Korean dictator. Some of the slides de...

University Mandates Spelling Class for Bridge Vandals, College Republicans

Nathan Amundson

October 16, 2017

Recently, several student group panels on the Washington Avenue bridge were vandalized. Panels belonging to the College Republicans, Turning Point USA, Collegians for a Constructive Tomorrow, the Bipartisan Issues Group and the Minnesota Republic were all targeted by the vandalizing “artists.” As the Univer...

US invades Venezuela totally not just for their oil

Madison Dibble

September 25, 2017

Operation Venezuelan Freedom began this week as the United States answered the Venezuelan people's call for help. The failures of Hugo Chavez and Nicolas Maduro left Venezuela with shortages of food and supplies. The weight of an average Venezuelan dropped 15 pounds, and the United States was content wa...

Governor Dayton Changes Vibe on Marijuana Legalization

Nicholas Johnson

September 25, 2017

A longtime opponent of drug legalization, Governor Dayton emerged from an intense two-hour constituent sit down singing a different tune. He was, it must be noted, quite literally singing—those present recalled hearing a pitchy rendition of Bob Marley's Buffalo Soldier. Onlookers noticed a strange haze ...

President Trump Lays Out Master Plan For American Revitalization In 106-Part Tweet

Nicholas Johnson

September 18, 2017

Warning: Satire In a dramatic move from his general social media presence, President Trump's 106 part tweet, a chain which began at around 3 AM and concluded at noon today, has astounded critics and supporters alike with its nuanced, yet assertive prescriptions for America's ails. The tweet began, "Perhap...

University Vows to End North-Normativity

Madison Dibble

August 27, 2017

Through an impressive and ground-breaking tuition-supported campaign, “Check Your Compass, Bro," the University of Minnesota has taken the important strides to end the North-Normativity that has plagued western civilization for years. Starting with a map in the Humphrey School of Public Affairs, the U...

America More Divided Than Main Stream Media Panel Reports

Wyatt Beito

August 27, 2017

On August 18, major news organizations took the pulse of the country for the ninth time sincenoon, gathering another panel of experts for a five minute divisive discussion-- only to have the host cut it short to report on widespread riots around the country. TheMinnesota Republic decided to do som...

Trans-Supremacy Movement Gaining Ground on Campus

David Blondin

March 23, 2017

Breaking Development: Folwell Hall loses ground in the war of heteronormativity. Within thebuilding that historically houses the languages department, the first floor single-occupancy is now occupied, preventing the population that uses the building from using it. Inside the restroom is a piece of ...

Local University Businesses Struggle to Find Appropriate Pronouns

David Blondin

November 22, 2016

Minneapolis, the city of lakes is well known for its progressive politics from Lake Calhoun to Downtown. The heart of the liberal dystopia is centered on the University of Minnesota. With the victory of president-elect Donald Trump, local fortune 500 companies are safe from the overturning of citizen´s un...