The Minnesota Republic

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Nicholas Johnson

October 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

In a recent address to the United Nations, President Trump presented in stark terms his opinions of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. The President started his address by running through a slideshow, which was comprised entirely of photoshopped images of the North Korean dictator. Some of the slides de...

University Mandates Spelling Class for Bridge Vandals, College Republicans

University Mandates Spelling Class for Bridge Vandals, College Republicans

Nathan Amundson

October 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

Recently, several student group panels on the Washington Avenue bridge were vandalized. Panels belonging to the College Republicans, Turning Point USA, Collegians for a Constructive Tomorrow, the Bipartisan Issues Group and the Minnesota Republic were all targeted by the vandalizing “artists.” As the Univer...

US invades Venezuela totally not just for their oil

Madison Dibble

September 25, 2017


Filed under Satire

Operation Venezuelan Freedom began this week as the United States answered the Venezuelan people's call for help. The failures of Hugo Chavez and Nicolas Maduro left Venezuela with shortages of food and supplies. The weight of an average Venezuelan dropped 15 pounds, and the United States was content wa...

Governor Dayton Changes Vibe on Marijuana Legalization

Governor Dayton Changes Vibe on Marijuana Legalization

Nicholas Johnson

September 25, 2017


Filed under Satire

A longtime opponent of drug legalization, Governor Dayton emerged from an intense two-hour constituent sit down singing a different tune. He was, it must be noted, quite literally singing—those present recalled hearing a pitchy rendition of Bob Marley's Buffalo Soldier. Onlookers noticed a strange haze ...

President Trump Lays Out Master Plan For American Revitalization In 106-Part Tweet

President Trump Lays Out Master Plan For American Revitalization In 106-Part Tweet

Nicholas Johnson

September 18, 2017


Filed under Satire

Warning: Satire In a dramatic move from his general social media presence, President Trump's 106 part tweet, a chain which began at around 3 AM and concluded at noon today, has astounded critics and supporters alike with its nuanced, yet assertive prescriptions for America's ails. The tweet began, "Perhap...

University Vows to End North-Normativity

University Vows to End North-Normativity

Madison Dibble

August 27, 2017


Filed under Satire

Through an impressive and ground-breaking tuition-supported campaign, “Check Your Compass, Bro," the University of Minnesota has taken the important strides to end the North-Normativity that has plagued western civilization for years. Starting with a map in the Humphrey School of Public Affairs, the U...

America *More* Divided Than Main Stream Media Panel Reports

America *More* Divided Than Main Stream Media Panel Reports

Wyatt Beito

August 27, 2017


Filed under Satire

On August 18, major news organizations took the pulse of the country for the ninth time sincenoon, gathering another panel of experts for a five minute divisive discussion-- only to have the host cut it short to report on widespread riots around the country. TheMinnesota Republic decided to do som...

Trans-Supremacy Movement Gaining Ground on Campus

Trans-Supremacy Movement Gaining Ground on Campus

David Blondin

March 23, 2017


Filed under Satire

Breaking Development: Folwell Hall loses ground in the war of heteronormativity. Within thebuilding that historically houses the languages department, the first floor single-occupancy is now occupied, preventing the population that uses the building from using it. Inside the restroom is a piece of ...

Local University Businesses Struggle to Find Appropriate Pronouns

David Blondin

November 22, 2016


Filed under Satire

Minneapolis, the city of lakes is well known for its progressive politics from Lake Calhoun to Downtown. The heart of the liberal dystopia is centered on the University of Minnesota. With the victory of president-elect Donald Trump, local fortune 500 companies are safe from the overturning of citizen´s un...

Stop Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day

David Blondin

March 17, 2016


Filed under Satire

WARNING: SATIRE. Deal with it.   I don’t know about you guys, but spring semester is a stressful time. Besides school, work, applying for summer jobs, and allergies it is also cultural appropriation season. I am not talking about Chinese New Year’s or Cinco de Mayo, where we have a bunch of p...

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